You’ve only just begun and already you make plans to sprint ahead. You crave a journey set neatly before you, ready for you to fill, with no sudden instances or surprises. You place relationships as the driving force of your life, using it as a way to change your temperature or validate your emotions. Should no one marvel at your woes would you still wail? And when everyone misses your victory will you go on to constantly fail? You have worked so hard to get where you are and yet you discredit every effort made because the journey was completed afraid. So tell me about what’s crippling you, is it you or them?
You’ve claimed paths that weren’t yours to take. The ones they belonged to excelled ahead with beauty and grace. You watch and you wither. It’s simply unfair, this rejection by something that was never yours but something you wanted. Why do you keep comparing yourself to those who are well into their consciousness? Just waking up and already you’re daring to put yourself back to sleep, to numb the pain of not measuring up to the impossible standard you’ve orchestrated.
You will never find yourself while constantly carrying around the perceived judgements of everyone around you. Presuming all have or will let you down. No one can ever desire you if you never give them the chance, choosing to walk alone, to leave, to run, evading all that you are and destroying all that you want. And so what if they don’t choose you, secretly making it your goal to please each and every one of them isn’t love or desire, it’s a fleeting opportunity. So who are you now? What is it you want and need?
Is there a confusion in your truth that you’re ashamed to reveal? Stop killing the one side you fear nobody could ever love. Welcome her in, give her what she deserves, what you’ve been too busy handing over to everyone else. Should you decide she’s worth it, you must then sit and wait, for she requires no sudden movements and oftentimes no movement at all. She wants authentic presence and all eyes on her big reveal, on her willingness to be seen and loved after all these years.
Miss Parisia B.