Braving

Today I showed up.

I don’t show up every day.

Some days I have the capacity to show up but my body and soul revert against me.

Other days I have every intention to show up but forget to leave everything else behind, forget it takes work, forget it requires blood.

The other day I purposefully held myself back, as to say, I’ve come this far… You do the rest.

I remember one time showing up and telling myself the whole time that I didn’t deserve to be there.

More often than not, showing up gets lonely. And on those days I would almost prefer to spiral out of control, to elevate my ego and resurrect my pride.

One thing that remains the same, regardless of me showing up or cowering down, is fear. Fear of stepping up day by day, climbing, and persevering only to lose all my efforts, only to stain them with the insincere version of healing I’ve convinced myself is able to plant roots.

But today, despite what may be the truth and in between all the lies, I found the courage to show up, to be here, and to belong to something real. To belong to the journey and the failure. To accept that there isn’t one without the other.

Yesterday my thoughts were flooded with self-hate.

Today, I showed up in all my glory, in all my imperfection. Today I trusted not in how I felt or how I would get where I’m going but in what I needed to be true:

You aren’t alone. You are loved. Your destination will never be here, so enjoy the journey.

Today I enjoyed my individual journey, tomorrow I hope to do the same.

Miss Parisia B.

2 Comments

  1. In response to BRAVING & showing up/not showing up physically/emotionally sometimes….you have permission to be “outta body” from time to time. Just know & fully understand when you need to be present in situations so that you don’t miss what life is showing/telling you. I think it helps balance us & remember do life “one day at a time” some days are better than others but NEVER the same, always different.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.