December Eighteenth

I have to let you go. It’s important for me, almost crucial, that I have you. And if I must give my love over to the possibility, uncertainty will hold my heart.

I have to guard my soul against doubt. From the inevitable worry of your well being without me and fear of your resentment. Every time I see your car pass by its a sad truth knowing that you’re not in it. Each time life becomes bearable I must let go of the desire to bear life with you.

You are locked in a tiny wooden parcel etched in gold with “prayer” written on its brim; that is where you must remain. Free from my grasp and my decision. It must be at the will of God that he plants me next to you. It must be at the will of time to decide when good enough can be sustained. You’re good enough for me.

I must lock the dreams of forgiveness, rebirth and tenacious loving for its moment of fruition. To trust in the timing of the one who holds our lives together. And should it never come to pass, should you decide you can’t love me and should the God we serve speak his final say, still my prayer would have come true. Because I will love you forevermore, I will always love you – despite you.

God Grant me the strength to be the woman you’ve created me to be. Bring rest to my heart that I may trust you not only with my desires but constant fears.

Lord strengthen my ability to rely on you. Give me a unyielding spirit to love in a world that is constantly waging war against me. Reveal to me how even when I’m buried in grief, you are strong.

Father please forgive us for thinking we could love without you. Place yourself at the center of each of our hearts and unite us as one.

Amen.

Miss Parisia B.

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