The further I stray from you, the more I can love you.
I need for my heart to remain unhinged,
to fail at love and discover a new way to let love in.
I need to search for you in every man I come across,
to convince them to love me so I can convince me, that despite what you’ve preached I am lovable.
I need to be lovable.
I need to love myself,
in spite of the judgement of you or the people who stand on your side.
I need to be okay, with you not being okay.
And that has been the most difficult decision of my life, choosing me.
And that has been the most difficult decision you’ve had to accept, the absence of me.
I need to be wrong about love
I need loss in order to deepen my understanding of tenderness.
But I don’t know if the loss of you will bring me back to us or simply be the loss of you.
I need to find out; to be absolutely certain.
I need to know that who I became with you isn’t who I am,
that I can become someone without you.
And if I must love someone else to see who I can be, that’s what I will do, to be more for you, more for me.
If you are my forever, I will always return.
You can never get lost on your way back home.
Miss Parisia B.