Burned Alive

Doing what is best for yourself, will never be the best version of the story for anyone else. My life has never been my own and due to the fact, my future is tied up in everyone else. What’s fucked up, is the moment you begin to free yourself from the confinement of everyone else’s expectations, you become the villain. The story is rewritten. You are selfish, you are cold and responsible for the unhappiness and pain of them. 

At some point, I became the personification of the false reality I was written into.  My heart became so cold that I couldn’t love myself nor recognize the love I deserved. Living in my skin felt like surviving with a million tiny pest fleshing through me from the inside out. My identity subsided, and my downfall was mounted by everyone else; by their wants, needs, emotions, and woes. 

Regardless of the torture and pain resulting from the way I had lived, it had become my means of survival. In my ignorance, I never truly realized that in all honesty, it was my choice of a slow death. I allowed myself to be burned alive and condemned by those I had sacrificed myself for. But those are such the consequences for selfishly destroying your becoming for the likes of someone else, for a moment of affirmation. 

The moment the fire charred my bones, it became clear that I needed to find my truth. To discover something that would preserve my existence. So I scattered myself above and below, in friendships, and in events. Truth can be so beautiful when you base your knowledge on lies. And so easy to find once you’ve been burned alive. 

       And so the truth, “I may just indeed not be the villain in your story, rather the day player in your life, the one who is meant to bring you to your knees so you may keep on going and find love. I can’t be the great love in everyone’s story, or even in your story at all when I am meant to be the great love within my own.” 

Miss Parisia B.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

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1 Comment

  1. “P”, it could be detrimental to dedicate your loyalty and sacrifice to others, at times it could be toxic. However, it is good to grow with someone, lift them, and build them as they return build you, then back and forth. So this is a 2 edge sword. It is a blessing that women gives so much of their heart, please do not lose this behavior in your journey, it is desired and required. But you must also receive power to grow, fulfillment, encouragement and strength to replenish and fuel you. Interesting enough women are the best coaches to get what they need; you have the fuel and you already know the resources. Are you on empty can it be replenished?
    At some point, one realizes the reason for pain must change as we are ultimately responsible for our heart until of course you are married. Take the necessary measures cautiously and carefully since only God knows who and what is in our plan and purpose, we (worldly people) only think and assume. In my experiences from hurt and pain, I moved forward building on me, bringing along with me who wanted to go to grow and provided fuel. It is not difficult to know what fuels the soul, the body, the heart and the mind. For some including me, I monitor them carefully since I am needed to prepare for my purpose and for the person God placed in my life.

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