A year ago today, I was running away to Spain in search of an opportunity to find myself, exist in an undiscoverable manner, and reinvent my ability to choose myself over other people. I discovered myself and planted it into a new version of her. Since a year ago, I have backslid into someone completely unrecognizable, existing only for others’ pleasure. I felt unfit to be who I’d become, so I uprooted all that had blossomed. Tomorrow I go back to Spain for no reason but to return to something I have been gone from for too long. Maybe I will meet her again, learn how to make her beauty last. Or get a taste of familiar freedom that could feed my soul. When I return, I beg of you to stay, to live on in strength. I’m scared if I can’t rediscover you, I will live on in pain.