In many ways I feel like my life is just now beginning. At first it felt so overwhelming. Encountering those who had been on the journey of living an authentic life full of love and not separation, full of gracious forgiving and not shame, made me feel like waking up from a toxic deep sleep. But now I just feel grateful to be aligning with others who are suffering but still choosing to love themselves and love others. When we start choosing ourselves and letting go of all that keeps us still and silent and wounded, we begin to fear reversion or the hurt of others. But as I have gotten further through my individual journey and deeper into the realization of the power and love I hold – I realize that it’s not possible. So I am praying for endurance, for the strength to continue no matter how I feel, no matter what goes wrong, no matter what goes right; that ultimately I keep expanding.
What God did last month (Oct):
- Changed my health circumstances and restored my appetite for food
- Began mending the years of separation between my sister and I
- Radically altered my view of sex and my body by helping me clear my mind of hookup culture and pornography
- Created a shift in my work culture and championed my efforts towards vulnerability
- Showed me what it means to do finances his way
- Loved me back into dancing
- Allowed me to finally forgive, release, and have compassion for my abusers after 5 years of intentionally holding a grudge and 14 years of holding the pain from what was done
- Ignited a restored interest of going back to church and engaging in church community after being rejected and shamed by people from the church
- Showed me my power in him and gave me the confidence to love myself again
What God will do this month (Nov):
- Remove the un-forgiveness he holds in his heart and replace it with divine love and healing
- Take me to new levels of vulnerability
- Teach me how to clear my mind of the negative thoughts I have allowed into my head
- Help me learn how to see him working in my life in advance
November Quote: “Call your spirit back. It may be caught in corners and creases of shame, judgement, and human abuse. You must call in a way that your spirit will want to return. Speak to it as you would to a beloved child. Welcome your spirit back from its wandering. It may return in pieces, in tatters. Gather them together. They will be happy to be found after being lost for so long. Then, you must do this: help the next person find their way through the dark. “ For Calling the Spirit Back from Wandering the Earth in its Human Feet by Joy Harjo
November Intention / Reminder: Reverse the negative thoughts that filter through your mind and try to attack your divinity by turning them around. When your mind tells you, “You aren’t enough,” turn it around and speak back: “That’s a lie. I am enough.” Speaking back is the most important part. Words have power and words spoken out loud have the power to alter legacies. We choose the lies we believe and the truths we accept. We choose the lives we want to live and it’s either one of resistance or one of complete surrender (there are only two options).
Miss Parisia B.
November Focus: Expectancy
On the Threshold by which I stand…- Letting go of the need to know but refusing to wait in doubt. Instead, claiming what is mine and knowing I am worthy to hold it.
I can no longer accept your judgements… – When I can no longer live life with expectancy and hope, is when I can no longer live with the judgements of other people or with the fear of their judgements wrapped around my neck. I want to live a life of love, even for those who misunderstand their own pain because for years I’ve done the same.
I never told you what I needed but I think it’s time… – Somewhere along the way I thought you wanted easy. Instead it became impossible to love me because I wasn’t honest from the beginning.
This altar requires an offering but I can’t burn for you… – A piece about letting go of the idea of what you gain in a relationship and instead embracing a love without conditions. It’s about dancing with our true selves and lighting the path for your lover to get back to you. But this path requires much sacrifice and deep healing.
You can do it afraid, just make sure you do it…- It’s not little faith that will separate you from your dreams it’s the doubt that severs you from it all. It’s the doubt that makes you think you don’t deserve love. So release whatever faith you do have, read this out loud and over yourself; may it drown out your fears.
A Love Void of Grace– We make so many mistakes with love and then we give up on love because we don’t feel worthy of forgiving our own mistakes.
A Love Void of Duality- You are shocked when I’m evil and then Divine. When I’m human and the next day sublime. I fail you when I try to only present one and not the other. When I want only your glory but wither when I bring you pain. There is no love without duality, that only brings shame.
A Love Void of Fear- because no matter what mistakes I’ve made, no matter who rejects me, no matter if I’m the problem or not, real love belongs to me, no conditions at all.
A Most Familiar Day- You love me, I can feel it. There was a shift, I saw it. Today was different and although you still hide, the morning bore itself to me. Our time is coming, my heart is still waiting.
When now and then- Nostalgia feels worse than fear. I find myself no longer concerned about the future yet so distracted in the present with being sad about the past.